


The Breaking Point

by whattomwants



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Car Accidents, Children, F/M, Love, Memory Loss, Mild Language, Relationship(s), Romance, Sexual Content, secret life, tom hiddleston - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-24
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-10 15:24:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/467800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whattomwants/pseuds/whattomwants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom Hiddleston has the fame, the fortune, and everything he could ever want. He's had to work hard to end up on top and this includes sacrifice. Sacrificing things he once held dear to his heart, a secret life he's kept hidden from the media's prying eyes. All of that is about to change when he decides to pay a visit to the English countryside to rediscover everything he once thought he had lost and to find the one person who changed his life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kilian

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea that has been in my head for years and I think it's finally time to get it down in writing. Comments are always appreciated :)

Tom sat shirtless in one of the leather armchairs he had recently purchased for his new flat staring out the window at the London landscape. Big Ben sat off in the distance and the sun had just begun to creep over the top of it. He shifted his cell phone in his hand thinking about the last tweet he had posted. Surely someone would see it. Someone close to him and they would be calling at any moment. A warm hand touched his shoulder and he turned his head to look up at the tall blonde who hovered over him.

“Good morning.” She whispered softly leaning down to kiss his cheek only to have him pull away. “Something wrong?”

“I just think you should leave now.” He said calmly. It was nothing against her for her beauty was something to behold, but there was something that always ate him up inside following one his random trysts. “Sorry.” He stood up and smiled weakly at her. “I’ll call you.” Lies. She retreated back into the bedroom and quickly dressed herself. Being the gentleman he always was he escorted her to the door and bid her farewell never to see her again. As he closed himself into his flat once again his phone began to ring. It was Luke the very man whose voice he was waiting to hear. “Luke!”

“Tom…” Luke breathed heavily into the phone so hard Tom thought for sure he would feel his breath on his ear. “…what is the meaning of all this?”

“I don’t know what you are referring to.”

“Your tweet.”

“The one about the woman orgasming in the theater?”

“And I quote…’Going on a 2 week Holiday to the countryside. #idowhatiwant’”

“Oh that tweet! I just need to get away for a bit that’s all.”

“Tom you have too many projects coming up to just disappear like this.”

“I’m not disappearing. I told you where I was going.”

“The English countryside. Where exactly in the English countryside are you going?”

“East Sussex.”

“Where in East Sussex?”

“That’s for me to know.”

Luke let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s exactly what you said last time. You left without telling anyone where you were going thank God you texted us all telling us not to phone the police. Why do you go out there anyways? You have no family out there, there’s really nothing to do.”

“It’s complicated.”

“You sound awfully wound up.”

“This is why I need this holiday. I’m sorry I wish I could explain it to you more, but I really need to go.”

* * *

The drive out to Nutley was always both calming and anxiety ridden. No one ever really paid much attention to Tom when he would drive through the village in his nice silver jaguar sunglasses covering his bright blue eyes. In fact no one in Nutley ever paid much attention to anything for if they did they would find out the real reason Tom frequented such a quiet place. He turned up the gravel driveway which leads up to the rather large manor his heart pounding furiously in his chest. 6 bedrooms, a conservatory, sitting room, and more toilets than he knew what to do with. As he parked he caught sight of his aunt who was outside watering her favorite flowers. He honked and watched as she jumped higher than he had ever seen a look of shear fright crossing her face. He parked and got out feeling only a little guilty for scaring her.

“Are you alright Aunt Clara?”

She took a deep breath and smacked him on his arm. “You could have killed me! My heart can’t take all this. What are you doing here? You didn’t even call. You usually call.”

“Do I need an excuse to see my favorite aunt and uncle?”

“Yes.”

He furrowed his eyebrows reaching out and grabbing her pulling her into a warm embrace. “Where’s Kilian?” He asked pulling away from her.

“He’s in the pool. I have to warn you he’s very cross with you still. I really think you should reconsider your answer.”

Tom pinched the bridge of his nose thinking back to the conversation he had recently had with the young man. “I thought when we worked this out we agreed he would be homeschooled for his own good.”

“He’s 13 years old and wants to experience life.”

“He can experience life here.”

She gave him a stern look and placed her hands on her hips. “Thomas William Hiddleston you know as well as I do Nutley is no place for adventures. He wants to see things! He’s been cooped up here for years!”

“Then he can stay a few more. Once he’s of age he can go off and do as he pleases, but right now I am his…” For some reason Tom always had a hard time uttering this word in particular. Perhaps it was because it brought back memories of her. How could it not? “…father and that’s the end of it.” He then stormed off into the house quickly passing by his Uncle Joe who uttered a few words to him which he all but ignored.

Tom could hear the sounds of splashing water as he approached the pool which was covered by a roof with large wooden beams and tall windows allowing the sunlight in. He peeked around the corner and watched the rather tall and lanky figure swimming about like a fish in its element. Kilian had always been a good swimmer in fact Tom was sure he could beat Michael Phelps any day. He waited for his head to pop up from beneath the clear blue water and he whistled loudly.

“I swear your mother didn’t birth a boy she birthed a fish!”

Kilian laughed and swam to the edge of the pool climbing out water dripping off of him rapidly. “What are you doing here?” He grabbed his towel and began to dry off his somewhat taunt body.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? You are my son. I came to see you.”

“Oh.”

Tom’s eyes widened. “Oh? Well then I’ll just hop back in my car…”

“Shut up.” The two of them smiled at each other and Tom began to take in the sight before him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You look different.”

“Funny Clara says I look just like you.”

“You do.”

Kilian Hiddleston was already tall for his age and puberty had been rather kind to him. His voice was a pitch deeper than his fathers, his body was much more in shape, his legs just a bit longer, yet he still had the same curly blonde mop which was now growing wildly on his head. There was one thing, however, that he got from his mother. He wiped out his ears and walked over to his father staring at him with his differently colored eyes. It was one of the things that Tom first noticed about Grace when he met her at the tender age of 7.

“You have your mother’s…”

Kilian rolled his eyes. “Eyes yes I know you tell me that all the time.” One blue and one brown. Heterochromia was hereditary in her family and Tom couldn’t be more pleased that their child acquired one of her most beautiful assets.

Tom ran his hand through his sons sopping wet hair. “How tall are you now?”

“5’9 and growing.”

“You may end up being taller than me.” An awkward silence fell between them and Tom watched as his sons eyes shifted away from him. “You’re still mad at me aren’t you?”

“Yes.” He replied walking past him and into the house the towel now gently wrapped around him sitting ever so loosely on his hips. “I don’t see why I can’t go.”

“Because it’s easier this way.”

“Easier for whom?” He walked into the kitchen with his father at his heels opening up the cabinets to find something to eat. “Easier for you. Must be nice to be able to globe trot while your offspring sits at home all day being taught by your relatives. You have no responsibility.”

“I have too!”

“The only time you are ever responsible for me is when you come for one of your little visits! After you leave you’re no longer obligated to even give two shits about me.”

“WATCH YOUR MOUTH!”

Kilian took a deep breath and held it just as Clara and Joe entered the room wanting to know what all the commotion was about. “I was just about to tell dad that I got a scholarship to go to Eton.”

“What?” Tom was stunned for this information had been kept from him. “I knew you wanted to go to Eton, but I didn’t know you had a scholarship. You’ll be a King’s Scholar.”

“I would be if you’d let me go.”

By now Tom was at a loss for words. His son was growing up quicker than he ever anticipated and he had missed out on so much. Now he wanted to go away for school and his heart began to feel heavy as he thought back to the day when Kilian was born.

“I remember when your mother had you. I was away at school I couldn’t make it. It was very hush, hush if you know what I mean. My father though was nice enough to come to the school and tell me. It was the 16th of May a day I will never forget.” He walked over to him and placed his hand on his shoulder staring in to his majestic eyes. “If this is what you really want then who am I to tell you no?”

“So you mean I can go?”

“Of course you can! I would love nothing more than to have my son attend my old alma mater. I’m just glad you didn’t apply for Harrow. Then we’d have a problem.” Kilian smiled and threw his arms around him hugging him tightly clearly excited about finally leaving the tiny village of Nutley. “I just worry about you.”

Pulling away Kilian raised his eyebrow tossing his dad a quizzical look. “Why? I’m 13 I think I can handle myself.”

“Just try to keep a low profile. Eton will be good about keeping things quiet for you, but I know how you are sometimes.”

“How am I?”

“You’re free spirited like your mum.”

“Speaking of mum…” The smile immediately disappeared from Tom’s face and was replaced by a look of pure heartache. “…I saw her yesterday when I went out for a walk.”

“And?”

Kilian lowered his head and stared down at his feet curling his toes. “She looked good. Still working at the same restaurant. The scar on her face looks a lot better for some reason. I know it’s never changed, but sometimes it just…”

“That’s enough.” Tom closed his eyes and threw his large hand over his face to mask the tears that were now falling from his eyes. “I think I should go lay down.” He turned around to leave only to be called back by his son. “What is it Kilian?”

The young man bit his lower lip. “When are you going to tell me what happened to mum? What really happened?”

Tom stood silent by now it was obvious he was crying and his sobbing grew louder. He then simply walked away leaving his son there still without answers.

Kilian turned and glanced at his aunt Clara and uncle Joe a solemn mood had crept into the room. “Why won’t he just tell me?”

Clara reached out and ran her hand across his face. “Because even though it’s been almost 13 years it’s still too hard for him to talk about. What happened to your mother was very painful for him, for all of us.”

“Why can’t you just tell me?”

“You know I can’t do that. We promised your father that he would be the one to tell you when he felt you were ready.” She stood up as she heard the sound of footsteps. Tom reappeared carrying a rather large trunk his hands grasping the two handles on its sides.

“I thought we could do this outside.”

Kilian nodded, but not before asking one more question. “What’s in the trunk?”

Tom looked down at it, the letters GH carved into its wood. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out and they could all see he was struggling to speak. Finally after a few minutes he mustered up enough strength to give his reply. “Everything you ever wanted to know about your mother.”


	2. Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom finally reveals to his son the truth about what happened to his mother.

Tom crossed the vibrant green yard its color being more visible in the sunlight. It was one of those rare days when the sun decided to grace England with her beauty and Tom wasn’t going to waste time staying indoors. He dropped the trunk in front of the fountain which sat in the middle of the yard. It was old and had stopped working quite some time ago. Algae had begun to form within it giving the water an odd emerald hue. After removing his black leather jacket he took a seat lowering his head down to rest upon the lid of the large wooden chest. He took in a deep breath and smiled to himself. It was cedar a scent that he always found rather appealing to his nose. A shadow overcame the empty area next to him and a converse sneaker came into view. He patted the empty spot signaling for Kilian to take a seat beside him.

“You don’t have to do this right now.” The younger man said not wanting to cause his father any unnecessary pain. He watched as his father’s bright blue eyes flickered showing his distress perfectly. “Dad?”

Hearing his son’s voice a second time seemed to snap him out of his train of thought. “Sorry. I just…” He ran his long fingers across the carved letters in the lid. “This was your mother’s. I bought it for her after we got married.”

“I didn’t know you and mum…”

“Well that’s why you’re here.” He grabbed a key from his pocket and pushed it into the lock. A clicking noise was heard soon after and he slowly lifted open the top. Peering down inside a rush of emotions overcame him and he felt his chest beginning to tighten. “I can’t believe she kept all of this.” He threw his hand over his heart which was now burning in his chest. “She even kept that stupid daisy I gave her when we were 10. Oh god.” Tears began to fall down his face as the memory of her flooded his mind. He sniffled and wiped his eyes glancing over at his son who hadn’t yet grasped the idea of his mother completely. “When I was 7…”

“You really…”

“Just please let me say this. It’s been years since I’ve talked about it and I need to get it off my chest. No one truly knows what really happened that night and you of all people deserve to know the truth about your mother.” He took a deep breath and continued. “When I was 7 we got new neighbors. It was right before school term. Your grandparents Ted and Wilhemina, your mother Grace and her older sister Ramona. Naturally they both got along with your aunt Sarah while I being the only boy of the group seemed to get booted out pretty quickly.” He laughed to himself reaching in and rooting through her belongings. “They spent the summer playing together and ignoring me. I was more than happy when school started I rather enjoyed the idea of getting away from those annoying girls. Unfortunately they followed me to school. I was so upset just the idea of having them around made me angry. Then one day out of the blue Grace just came up and started talking to me. I thought she was a little daft at first, but she ended up being a really good friend to me. Once she punched an older boy in the face because he was making fun of my hair.”

“That doesn’t exactly make you sound very manly.”

“I would have hit him myself if she hadn’t bull rushed him from the side. Once she had him on the ground good luck getting her off.”

“She sounds like a nice girl.” Kilian replied sarcastically.

“Your mum could hold her own. That’s one of the things I loved about her. I never had to worry about her. When your mother turned 11 her parents sent her off to Heathfield and I only really saw her during our term breaks.”

“Can we get to the part where you guys fell in love?”

“You are impatient aren’t you?”

“I get that from you.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “When I was 15 I and I came back home from Eton that summer something about your mother just took me by surprise. She was no longer the little girl that lived next door she was a beautiful young woman and the moment I saw her it was like a lightning bolt passed right through me. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move, and I believe I possibly mumbled something to her incoherently. I was completely smitten with her. We made a pact that before summer was over we wanted to…maybe I should skip this part.”

“You wanted to have sex.”

“KILIAN!”

“Dad I know how it works.”

“Fine. We both agreed that if we were going to…have sex that we wanted to be each other’s first. We were young and stupid. Especially me imagine my thrill when summer ended and I went back to school a man. Anyways after that every single break we had every chance we got to be together we made sure we were. I was never sad with your mum she always knew how to put a smile on my face. Even when my parents were divorcing she always helped to ease the pain. She was my best friend.” The tone in his voice had grown softer for some reason as he began to reach the end of his story. “Just know Kilian that you weren’t planned, but you were very much wanted. I was more than ecstatic when I found out you were coming despite being 17 years old and having my parents extremely furious with me. Your mother gave up her schooling so I could finish and I will always be indebted to her for that. You were only about 2 months old when I finished at Eton and your mother and I rushed off and got married. No one could tell us we couldn’t. I had been accepted into Cambridge and we had plans to move up there. I was going to go to school and work to support you and your mother. We had our life all figured out. I…I can’t do this.” He quickly closed the trunk and stood up wanting nothing more than to retreat back inside.

“Don’t leave me hanging like that! Please!”

Tom whipped around his big alligator tears making another appearance. “Oh God…” He mumbled through his sobbing as he took a deep shallow breath. “A few of my friends threw a party for me. It was a party to congratulate me getting into Cambridge.” He ran his hands through his hair scratching the back of his head. “I saw your mother talking to this boy I had never really liked. For some reason I got insanely jealous though there was nothing to really be jealous about she never even liked him. I swear to you Kilian that is the only time I have ever laid a hand on a woman.”

“You hit her?”

“Yes I did! I took her outside in the front yard and I slapped her across the face alright? We…we were too close...we were just too close.” He kept repeating clearly growing more and more distraught. “When I hit her she fell into the road. I didn’t see the car coming neither of us did. The bloody bastard didn’t have his head lights on. As she went to stand up it just…” He took a few more labored breaths. “Her face hit the windshield. That’s why she has that scar. It all happened so fast I don’t remember much I just remember the car hitting her and then she was in the road lying there lifeless in a pool of blood. None of us thought she was going to make it I thought for sure she was dead and I swear in that moment my heart ceased to beat. I was stunned that she was still breathing. She was still in a coma by the time it came for me to leave for University. The doctor’s had told us weeks before that the brain damage would be irreversible. I kept you with me for the first term and then I got a phone call. Your mother had woken up. It was weeks before we realized she didn’t remember who we were. She didn’t remember me, she didn’t remember you, and the amount of guilt I felt in that moment you can’t even possibly imagine. That’s when I decided to leave you with your aunt and uncle. Every time I looked at you the feeling inside of me was just so severe I couldn’t even function properly.”

“So you ran away.”

“Yes I did and I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t make up for it, but I was young. How would you feel being 19 years old and realizing that you were pretty much a single father? Realizing the life you once had is gone because of one mistake you made? Knowing that the woman I loved was in such pain because of me? It was too much.”

“It wasn’t your fault dad.” He approached his father and threw his arms around him. “You need to stop blaming yourself for it.”

“If I hadn’t hit her she would have been fine.”

“We all make mistakes. If that man had, had his headlights on you would have seen him coming and you could have…I’m sorry ignore me. Just know that I don’t blame you.”

He nodded and the two pulled away. “I appreciate that.” A sudden gust of wind swept across their faces and the tears on Tom’s face felt cold like ice.

Kilian looked over at him. “Did you and mum ever get divorced?”

Tom laughed and patted his son on the back. “I couldn’t do that not with her in her condition. Besides I never wanted to get divorced. Everyone tried to talk me into getting an annulment, but I never got around to it. Probably because I didn’t want it.” He leaned down and reached into the bottom of the trunk pulling out a gold wedding band. “I haven’t worn this since I left.” He held out his hand and slid it on to his ring finger a toothy grin crossing his face. “I can’t believe it still fits. Surely I must have gained weight.”

“Have you ever tried talking to her?”

“Kilian…”

“I know it sounds really pathetic, but…”

Tom turned and their eyes met. “Your mother doesn’t know me anymore. I haven’t seen her since that day and I have no desire to see her.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

“SHE HAS A VERY DIFFERENT LIFE NOW! WE ARE NOT A PART OF IT! GET THIS IDEA OUT OF YOUR MIND THAT SOMEHOW SHE WILL REMEMBER US AND COME BACK IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! DO YOU HEAR ME?”

Kilian looked down at his feet like a child who had been scorned by his father. He kicked at the grass and then suddenly lifting his head he stared into the eyes of the man who had given up on him all those years.

_“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.”_

“What?”

“It’s Emily Dickinson. She was an American poet.” Tom’s eyes flickered in amazement at how intelligent and grown up his son had become. “There’s nothing wrong with hope dad.” He chuckled under his breath. “After all it is hope that has kept me from punching you in the face all these years. The hope that one day you would really step up and be my father. “ He turned on his heels his sneakers almost slipping in the wet grass as he made his way back up to the house.

“How am I doing at being a father so far?” Tom yelled up to him the young man stopping to face him. “On a scale of 1 to 10.”

“Right now you’re at about a 3.5.”

“What?” He couldn’t believe his son would give him such a low rating and after all the sadness of their meeting it was time to lighten the mood. Tom raced up to him and without warning outstretched his arms and tickled his sides.

“DAD STOP IT!” He yelled trying his best not to laugh. “I’M TOO OLD FOR THIS!”

“Oh come on you’re never too old…” He retracted his hands holding them up like claws. “…for the tickle monster!”


	3. It's OK To Stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Kilian and Uncle Joe running about in London Tom decides to take his aunt Clara on a lunch date neither of them will ever forget.

By the next morning everything seemed to be back to normal. Tom woke up, took a shower, brushed his teeth, combed his hair and dressed himself. This was the same routine he did every morning in exactly that same order. Some people would call it him being slightly OCD, however, he saw it as just falling into normal day to day life. He stared at himself in the mirror his vibrant red plaid shirt open slightly at the top causing him much grief. Should he leave 3 buttons undone or just 2? Oh what could 3 hurt and the weather outside was nice. Nothing like letting your chest get a bit of fresh air. He stepped out into the quiet hallway taking in his surroundings Grace’s wood trunk sitting in front of the door that led to the attic. He groaned loudly and yelled out for his son.

“Kilian I told you to put the trunk away!” He began to walk over to it only to be distracted by the sound of footsteps on the stairs. He leaned over the railing his shirt dropping open slightly. “Kilian?”

“No.” Aunt Clara shouted as she came into view glancing up at her nephew his bright blue eyes staring at her. “Kilian and your uncle went to London.”

“I spoke to him about that. London is far too crowded…”

“No one will ever take a second glance. Did you know there are about 7 people in the world who look like you?”

Tom raised his eyebrow. “No I didn’t.  Where did you hear this from?”

“Tumblr.”

“God don’t tell me you actually go on there.”

“Kilian has one.”

“Well delete it immediately. I’ve seen the kinds of things on there most of them highly inappropriate for a boy his age.”

“He’s 13.”

“Are you busy today?”

His question threw her off and he watched as her eyes flickered rapidly. “Um…well no.”

“Do you want to have lunch with me?”

The moment he mentioned food she knew exactly what he was getting at. “I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Tom stood up straight walking over to the stairs and descending them to meet her. “I have to do this.”

“No you don’t! You’ve already put yourself through enough grief.”

He leaned his head down and began to play with his fingers picking the skin from around his thumbnail. “I just want to see her. Even if it’s just for a second.”

“Tom…”

“Please come with me. I promise this will be the only time.”

* * *

Half an hour later Tom and his aunt were strolling down the main road taking in the sights of all the little shops that lined it. There was an antique store that he requested they stop by on the way back as they past by the village pub which was situated right beside their destination. A quaint little Italian Restaurant which didn’t stand out much, but it didn’t really have to. It was charming none the less and the moment they stopped in front of it Tom began to panic.

“You’re right this was a bad idea.” He turned to leave only to be pulled back.

“You made me come all this way and we are going inside.”

“I can’t. What if I see her and I just lose it? I have been known to just burst into tears on occasion.”

“It means you’re human. Now just take a deep breath and we’ll sit in the corner away from everyone. No one will even care.” She then grabbed his shirt sleeve and tugged hard on it. “Now come on.”

The two of them headed inside immediately walking to the back where one lonely little table sat by the window. They took a seat and Tom breathed a sigh of relief. She was right it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would. The restaurant wasn’t very busy there were empty tables everywhere and for a moment he actually hoped that Grace wouldn’t be working that day.  He slid the menu into his lap picking it up to glance over it.  As his eyes took in the bold typed lettering on the laminated paper he felt the table jerk slightly. Someone had run into it.

“I’m sorry.” She said steadying the now swaying table. “I only have one good eye it happens from time to time.”

Her voice was as beautiful as ever and he closed his eyes for just a moment. Everything she had just said rang through his ears though it was simply an apology. He hadn’t heard it in almost 13 years and it was still just as smooth as he remembered. He opened his eyes and found himself struggling to look at her. He just couldn’t. The last time he saw her, her face was bandaged her wounds not quite visible to him. He was afraid of what he might see. His heart beat furiously in his chest so hard he thought it might just explode inside of him.

“Can I get you something to drink?”

He mumbled. “Water please.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.”

“Water.” He said loudly almost a bit too loud. He felt his aunt kick him under the table and he swiftly kicked her back. “I didn’t mean to say it so loudly. Forgive me.”

“I recognize you.”  In that moment everything stopped. Tom sat there staring at the table unable to speak unable to move every nerve in his body was going off at once everything burned everything hurt. “You’re um..Tom Hiddleston the guy who played Loki in Thor.”

“Uh huh.” He managed to grunt.

“Something wrong?”

“No I just. I think I’m having a heart attack.”

“DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL SOMEONE?” She asked her voice now panic stricken.

“No no I’m fine. I just need a moment.”

“I’ll go get you that glass of water right away.” She then turned on her heels and promptly headed off to grab his drink.

“This was a bad idea.” He said breathlessly. “I can’t breathe.”

“Just relax Tom. It’s obvious she’d recognize you.”

The pain in his chest was growing and each second that passed without him taking a single breath only caused him to feel worse. He finally took in one deep breath lifting his head up his eyes wide open.

“I’m fine.” The table shifted again. “Don’t apologize.” He said immediately knowing she was standing right next to him.

“Ok I won’t.” She replied laughing softly to herself. “Are you two ready to order?” Tom nodded and promptly asked for the spaghetti with meatballs wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. “And you get a salad with that. What type of dressing would you like?”

“Do I really need a salad?”

She stopped writing and looked at him. “No, but um…if you don’t want it you don’t have to have it.”

“Salad is fine. Blue cheese dressing is good.” She then took Clara’s order and retreated back into the kitchen. “This is really awkward.”

“Only because you’re making it so.” Clara quipped. “You have to look at her Tom.”

“I can’t.”

“She looks fine. Just a quick glance that’s all. That’s why we’re here.”

Grace returned with their salads and Tom hoped she would just drop them off and leave again. “Can I ask you something Mr. Hiddleston?”

He nodded. “Um…do you want an autograph? If you’d like a picture I’d have to ask you to wait until I’m done eating. Then I would be more than happy to give you one.”

She smiled. “No it’s not that. I’m just curious as to why you won’t look at me?” He dropped his fork. “I’m not trying to be rude it’s just that I can always tell when someone is avoiding me. I know my face can be rather harsh at times what with the scar and everything. I just wanted you to know that’s it’s ok to stare I don’t mind. People do it all the time.”

He glanced over at Clara whose eyes where giving him the encouragement he needed. He grabbed his napkin and wiped his mouth before slowly turning his head upwards to meet Grace’s face. Her dark brown hair was pulled into a ponytail a few tendrils falling in her face. She brushed them back and he glanced at the scar that went diagonally across her face. It started just above her left brow making its way over her eye which was clearly made of glass for she had lost it in the accident. Down her nose and upper lip which was slightly deformed before it stopped right at her chin.

“Does it hurt?” Those were the only words he could find as he sucked on his bottom lip trying his best not to let himself get emotional.

She gave him a crooked smile. “Sometimes. It hurts the most where my eye is obviously it’s not a real eye. I also have a scar on the side of my head. I had a lot of temporal lobe damage when I had my accident.”

“Accident?” He knew what had happened, but he wanted to know what she had been told. After all as far as he knew she didn’t remember a thing so someone must have told her.

“My sister Ramona, I live with her now. She said I was in a really bad car accident. That’s about all I know I don’t remember any of it. All I know is I grew up somewhere in London, I went to school there, got a degree from Cambridge and then had my accident.” Of course Ramona would be the one to tell her leaving out a majority of very important details and lying to her about things that never even happened. Anything to squeeze Tom out of her life.

“I’m sorry to hear that. About your accident I mean.”

She rolled her lips together and nodded. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“No we’re fine.” He said smiling at her the butterflies he had felt all those years ago returning to him full force. He watched her walk away taking in her beautiful curves. The moment she was out of view he began to fume over the things Ramona had told her and could no longer stand being in the small stuffy restaurant. He got up from the table slamming his napkin down and walking outside with Clara right at his heels. “I can’t fucking believe her.”

“Just calm down it’s not Ramona’s fault.”

“NOT HER FAULT? SHE LIED TO HER! SHE COMPLETELY CUT KILIAN AND I OUT OF HER LIFE!”

“I know.”

He sighed. “I can’t say I blame her though. She gave her the life she should have had instead of her dropping out of school to marry some tit like me.”

“Maybe this isn’t the best time to ask this.”

“Then don’t ask.”

“I need to know. Why didn’t you care for Grace yourself?”

He whipped his head to face her causing her to jump slightly a look of anger in his eyes. “Do you really think I didn’t want to? Her parents fought me every single step of the way and I just gave up after a while. I had no money to take care of her, I had a child, and they threatened legal action against me if I tried to take her out of that hospital. They said our marriage wasn’t legal so I had no rights and me being the stupid boy I was believed them. I let them scare me out of being with my own wife. “

“Was your marriage legal?”

“After I finished at Cambridge and met with a lawyer yes it was. By then it was too late they had already taken her and I didn’t want to disturb her recovery.”

“MR. HIDDLESTON?” A voice called out to him and he turned to see who it was. He watched as Grace approached them carrying a plastic bag with two take out boxes tucked away inside of it. “It seemed like you were having a bad day so I made your lunch to go. It’s on me.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.”

“I can’t let you. Let me pay you for it.”

“No it’s fine. It’s all fine.”

“Can I…” He stopped for a second his eyes wandering about her porcelain skin. “…take you out to dinner at least?”

Her eyes widened and she lifted her eyebrows to show her surprise. “What?”

“As a thank you for the lunch. You seem like a really sweet girl.”

“Is this some kind of a sick joke?”

“No honestly. I knew someone once who was in a bad accident if you think how you look bothers me it doesn’t. I know you probably don’t get asked out a lot, but I would be really honored if you would have dinner with me. Saturday at 7?”

He could see in the expression on her face that something was holding her back. She looked down at her feet and kicked the tiny pebbles that had made their way onto the sidewalk. “I can’t I’m sorry.”

“Is it because of how I look?”

She laughed. “No not at all. It’s my sister. She doesn’t like me going out with strangers.”

“How old are you?”

“31.”

“I’d say that’s old enough to go out with strangers.” He then leaned in and kissed her cheek. It was unexpected even to him, but there was this strange urge inside of him. He wanted to get to know her all over again and he thought back to what Kilian had said about hope. He felt a strange warmth come over him and for the first time in years he hoped. Hoped that by spending time of her no matter how minimal it was that somewhere deep inside her damaged mind there was still a memory of him.

“I guess I’ll see you then?”

Tom smiled and nodded softly. “I’ll see you at 7.”


	4. You're My Wonderwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom takes Grace to the place where they had their first date in the hopes she will remember him. She reveals to him something that has been eating away at her since they met and the car ride home turns into a sad one.

Saturday came faster than anyone had expected and what was usually a day for relaxation turned into one of pure nerves and anxiety. Kilian walked about the kitchen grabbing as much junk food as he could hell bent on spending the night indoors catching up on the last Doctor Who series. He grabbed the last bag of Doritos which was tucked away in the cabinet closest to the door. That’s where Clara and Joe always stored the junk food and it didn’t take him long to clear it out. With his arms full he began to make his descent upstairs taking note of the tiny stream of light that came from his father’s bedroom. He walked over to the door and kicked it open softly with his foot.

“You’re actually going to go?”

Tom turned his head as he buttoned up the dark blue shirt he had chosen to wear. “Yes I am.”

“Nervous?” Kilian asked entering the room and sitting down on the bed watching his father dress.

“A little bit. OK a lot actually.”

“Where are you taking her?”

“You’re asking a lot of questions.”

“I’m just looking out for you.”

Tom raised his eyebrow. “Isn’t that a little backwards?” Kilian shrugged. “Alright how do I look?”

“Are you trying to get her into bed?”

“No why?”

“Button your shirt up. You’re going to scare the poor girl with all that chest hair on the first date. You have to take things slow.”

“Kilian…”

“Oh come on dad I’m not that sheltered.”

“So you have been on a date with a girl?”

“I’m 13. I went on a 13 year olds equivalent of a date.”

Kilian may have been young, but Tom knew boys his age were starting to get into that sort of thing hell when he was 13 he was definitely beginning to notice the opposite sex. He reached down and buttoned a few more buttons turning on his heels and dropping down on the bed. Staring at Kilian he tried to find certain mannerisms that came with one losing their virginity. It didn’t take long for his son to feel his eyes staring down at him.

“Night dad.”

“Kilian!” Before he could say another word he heard his son slam his bedroom door. He sighed heavily wiping his sweaty palms across his black trousers. It was now or never and Grace wasn’t the only person he was nervous about seeing.

* * *

He realized the day at the restaurant that he hadn’t told Grace where to meet him. Upon returning inside to suggest she meet at his house he was quickly told by her that it would be best if he picked her up at Ramona’s place. The idea of seeing her sister made him more anxious than anything and with the address in hand he quickly found his destination.  He stood outside the rather quaint looking house it’s front lights illuminating the bright green front door. Wiping his feet on the welcome mat he took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. The sound of barking dogs could be heard from inside and he thought about retreating back to his car for his own safety, but as he turned to walk away the door opened and there stood his worst nightmare.

“Ramona. You look well.” He invited himself in knowing she would never do such a thing. “Nice place you have here.”

“How the hell did you find me?”

“Didn’t Grace mention she was going out tonight?”

“Yes…” Her face turned red as she began to realize the true nature of the situation. “…I forbid you to take my sister anywhere.”

“I’m sorry she’s 31 years old.”

“And has been through a lot or did you forget her accident?”

“Don’t go there with me.” He said sternly his jaw clinched tightly. “I was there the night it happened don’t you dare.”

“From what I was told you were also the one who caused it.”

“It was an accident. She fell into the road.”

“Because you hit her.”

“I KNOW THAT! IT’S IN THE PAST I CAN’T CHANGE WHAT I DID OR WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT! YOU CAN BLAME ME ALL YOU WANT, BUT...” The sound of a creaking door put their argument to rest. They looked up at the stairwell and watched as Grace descended it dressed in a flowing red dress that stopped just above the knee exposing her rather long legs. She stopped briefly and adjusted the strap of her heel. “You look very nice.”

She lifted her head and tossed him a confused look almost as if she hadn’t quite heard him. “Do I?”

“Indeed.”

He watched as she looked him over letting out a loud sigh. “I’m dressed up to much. I knew I should have just worn jeans and a nice shirt.”

“No you’re fine I promise. “ The longer he stared at her the more his feelings began to come rushing back feelings he had done a good job at suppressing for years. He could feel the heat in his face and he knew he had to look like a bright ripened tomato. “Um…”

“I need to speak with my sister.” Thank God for Ramona she always seemed to come in at just the right time.

“That’s fine. I’m going to step out for some fresh air. I’ll be waiting by the car.” He then made his exit leaving the two sisters alone to quarrel.

“Do you know who he is?” Ramona asked.

Grace raised her eyebrow. “I’m only blind in one eye you know. Of course I know who he is.”

“Then you’re well away of the fact that it isn’t a good idea to go out in public with him. His fans are insane I have read some of their tumblr posts.”

“You act as if something is going to come out of this. It’s not like I’m this huge fan of his hell I actually didn’t really like Thor that much.”

“That’s beside the point! They will eat you alive.”

Grace took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Ramona I’m going. Let them say what they want. I have been called a monster, have had little kids point at my face, adults stare at it and nothing is worse than that. Now excuse me I don’t want to keep Tom waiting.” Those were her parting words as she turned and left slamming the door behind her. “Sorry to have kept you.”

Tom jumped slightly at the sound of her voice turning to her and smiling softly. “It’s no trouble. I was beginning to feel a little lightheaded the fresh air did me good.”

“So…” She said with a twinkle in her eye. “…where are we going?”

* * *

“…and a quarter pounder with cheese with a coke.”

“Big spender.” Grace said sarcastically a little confused as to why someone of Tom’s caliber would choose to take her to McDonald’s. “Do you always take girl to McDonald’s?”

He laughed and swallowed the lump in his throat. “It’s complicated.” It really was.

He had brought Grace to the McDonald’s near Picadilly Circus in the hopes that she would remember their first date. Tom had been rather nervous to take Grace out and McDonald’s was the perfect place to go to help ease him. They sat and talked for hours about anything and everything. Maybe it was a bad idea for him to be there with her tonight after all she wasn’t the same person and clearly was less than enthusiastic about being so dressed up in the lobby of a McDonald’s.

“I should have worn jeans.” She stated for the second time that night.

“You look fine. “

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He picked up the tray of food and began to shuffle off to a table in the corner only to be stopped by a few excited fans asking for pictures. “Um…let me finish my dinner and then I’ll be more than happy to take pictures with you.” They accepted his answer and bounced away finally allowing him to sit at the table he had picked.

She sat across from him and immediately felt like a thousand eyes were watching her. “You’re very nice to your fans.”

“Well without them I wouldn’t be where I am.”

“Don’t give yourself any credit.” She tucked her hair behind her ears and began to unwrap her sandwich. “You’re actually a really talented actor from what I’ve heard.”

“I take it you haven’t seen much of my material.”

“To be honest no. I saw Thor once.”

“Ouch.” She smiled and turned her face away staring down at her food. He watched as she picked at it and knew something was eating at her. “You can talk to me I don’t bite.”

“I just…” She slowly lifted her head. “…I feel like I’m supposed to know you.” His heart began to beat wildly in his chest so hard he felt it would explode right out of him. “Every time I look into your eyes you give me this look and…I know it sounds really strange and I’m sure you get that a lot. It’s silly obviously. We’ve never met I don’t know you, you don’t know me…” She stopped and drew in a long breath. “…do we know each other?”

Tom could feel the lump in his throat return with full force and everything happening around him seemed to be going in slow motion. He thought back to the first time he saw her, their first conversation, the first time he held her soft delicate hand, the first time his lips tasted hers and as much as he wanted to tell her everything he knew he couldn’t.

“No we don’t.” He replied shaking his head.

* * *

The rest of their time there was spent in silence with the occasional small talk. As promised before they left Tom gave his fans the photos they had asked for and Grace was more than happy to stand and wait. The first part of the car ride home was spent in silence until Tom couldn’t bear it any longer.

“How about we listen to some music?”

“Music is good.”

He shuffled around in the center console pulling out a CD that had been sitting inside with no case. He stared down at the writing on it and smiled. “A girl made this for me a long time ago.”

“One of your groupies?”

“I don’t have groupies.”

“No need to be ashamed. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.”

“So I’ve had a few one night stands.” Which he always felt guilty for afterwards. It was like he was cheating on Grace especially since legally they were still married. “It doesn’t make me a…”

“Slut?”

He pursed his lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you were so perfect.”

“Oh please.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m not a virgin. Though it has been a while so I wouldn’t be surprised if my hymen wasn’t intact by now.”

Tom laughed and she found it contagious. It was the same banter he remembered and it was just what they needed to lighten the mood. “I hope you like Oasis.”

“Who doesn’t? This girl must have had impeccable taste. Tell me more about her. That is if you remember much.”

“She wasn’t a one night stand. It was actually a very serious relationship.”

“Go on.”

He sighed and cleared his throat. “Well…I had known her since I was very young. She was my best friend. We went to different schools and during one of our breaks she gave me this CD. She told me to listen to Wonderwall whenever I was missing her. I played that song almost every day I just couldn’t seem to get enough of her.  Every time I heard it I would think of her and it was nice. It helped ease the loneliness when we were apart.”

“She sounds like a really special girl.”

“She was.”

“What happened to her?”

He gripped the wheel tighter keeping his eyes on the road. “She…she turned into a completely different person. I don’t even know who she is anymore.”

She watched as his face shifted and she could see it fill with pain. Reaching out she gripped his arm with her hand and squeezed it tightly. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded not wanting to discuss it any further instead giving her only two simple words. “Me too.”


End file.
